filters

I would say in arguments with my ex-boyfriend the hardest thing for me to do was interpret the message in our fights. “As I listen to someone else I filter my interpretation of his or her message through my own attitudes, assumptions, needs, values, past and present experiences, knowledge, expectations, fears, goals, educational background, and emotional involvment.” GEEZ that’s a lot of filters! No wonder when the other person in an argument tries to get their point across I get overwhelmed! So, hearing another person really involves ditching the preconceived notions we have of that person, and actually give them a chance. The counselor tells me I need to breathe and remove myself from the situation when I’m in an argument, however let’s be honest, our ego and emotion really don’t allow us to just leave! Ideally I would remove my past experiences from my reaction, think logically and try and look at him as a human not some man who just wants to hurt me. Good luck with that one J

selective listening

I love this topic because EVERYONE does it, and I've even noticed people doing it while Im talking. They tend to drift off mid sentence and ignore important information. There are many examples I can think of when I used selective listening.  I've also been the person doesn't listen when things are overwhelming or 'hard' to understand. One particular obvious example is watching television, I fall victim to fun shows about style and weddings, because Im interested in them, when really I should be watching the news because of all the really important things going on around the world. What I can do to fix that is call my dad and ask him to speak to me about what's been happening in the news. I know the way I learn is a personal manner, I cannot watch something and learn, I need to hear it in lamens terms. I need to motivate myself to listen to opinons and shows that I wouldnt normally.
A great example of getting through high school was I would tune in while in class to things that interested me, like art  or computers:) Once I stepped foot into history or economics I began writing notes (before cell phones ) to all my friends, and used my selective listening. Particularly when Mr. Deetz said my name, because I had been put on the spot that I was not listening. Personally, it's a struggle to understand why some students loved that class, and for them, siting on a computer was torture, why we intuitively love certain things, makes us unique. I'm getting off point, so in order to fix that problem well I began hanging out in the hall or leaving campus. Now, with an adult mind, I still am at a loss for a solution to that problem. I would say study with friends from the class because I focus well with talking involved, so I guess that's the best solution I can come to.

listening is a leadership skill

When I used to teach, I made a point to remember names of all my students and parents the first week. I always remembered each child's name the first day, because I listen. I truly feel people dont listen, or put importance at a first meeting, to TRY to remember someones name. How often do you hear "I'm just bad with names" (?) It is impossible this many people really can't remember. Listening is the number one life skill I feel EVERYONE needs to practice.
Chapter 7 points out "Ineffective people are eager to be heard but often do not take the time to understand the other persons perspective before speaking." The older a person becomes, for the most part, the less they talk. I truly feel learning to listen takes time, because our ego's speak for themselves during youth, wanting to be admired and adored. I feel if people were motivated to try and calm their minds while listening, we could be more effective leaders, group members and friends, thus less misunderstandings and quarrels.

do the right thing

Two principles I enjoyed reading that men and women decode nonverbal communication differently and nonverbal behaviors are guided by the context and power of relationships.

“Doing the right thing at the right time in the right place summarizes this principle.” The example from the text was hallarious, referencing men slapping butts on a football team but would never think to do the same thing in an office meeting. I find it hard to tame my humor at work, where I should be more professional, so the context of ‘power’ really does regulate our nonverbal communication. Men and women definitely read nonverbal cues differently When men and women decode nonverbal communication in different manners it can negatively affect the group. I think women attach quietness with snobby or rude, whereas a man wouldn’t think this initially. In a group setting, attaching negative association to people happens unconsciously. The text does cover this on page 100, as relational statements. My next blog will delve into this topic further.

the glass is half full

I really enjoyed reading the relational statements that can take very different stances on viewing personalities depending if youre being open minded or not. For instance people we like are enthusiastic, whereas people we don’t like are emotional, people we like are good at detail whereas people we don’t like are picky. Everyday I struggle with my opinions of people, and if I change my mindset I will be more accepting of people in general. This is truly a very simple table, with little text in the book, but I enjoy how applicable it is in daily life. We have so many differences to work around on a team or small group, it is necessary to see things positively in order to work effectively. There is a promotion at my work right now, which two people want. They are both very opinionated and have conflict with one another constantly, which makes me wonder if they see positive in one another, and if not, how they will ever work together constructively.

chronemics means BE ON TIME :)

Proxemics is the study of how we use space to communicate. Cultures differ greatly in the amount of space they need in their ‘bubble’ while communicating.  Chronemics is the study of the use of time. I have experienced SO many examples of differences in chronemics especially from people from ‘the islands’ of either Bahamas or Hawaii, and also latin culture from south America. I am chronically  ON TIME, and cannot stand when people are late!

My ex-boyfriend from Guatemala walks slow, talks slow, drives slow and arrives late everywhere. He wouldn’t rush in the shower or to get out of the house if you paid him. The major difference is respect of other peoples time, I feel I carry a respect for the people I work with and friends/family by appreciating their time.  The example from wikipedia was right on point, In western cultures we set times of specific meetings and are punctual. In latin and African cultures, it is not as important to set definite times and they can often have broad definition of time J

Consultant observers provide excellent insite as to how the group or team could improve productivity and communication flow. An observer can point out critical thinking skills, organization (understanding and use of forming, norming, storming and performing phases), communication (verbal, nonverbal, feedback and clarity), problem solving, and solutions (calculated, complete and clearly articulated,future actions specified). It is apparent that the observer is necessary to take an objective outside perspective on the group, free from ties or decision making power, when analyzing the small group at hand.The consultant observer could also fill out a scale form that provides feedback that can be translated into some definable measure Outside observers are a crucial part of change in a group dynamic, and as I realized I am often an observer when I go around town. I can think of numerous small groups that need observers to help them accomplish more, offering objective unbiased feedback.

Ethical reflection

“Ethical decision making behaviors provide an excellent opportunity for reflection. Paul and Strbiak (1997) followed a framework provided by Argyris and Schon (1974) in developing a model for evaluating a communicator’s ethical decision-making behaviors. Their model can be adapted to small groups by analyzing and comparing a group’s espoused ethics and ethics-in-use. Expoused ethics are the ethical principals a group states as governing its actions. The group’s ethics-in-use are the ethical principles that appear to actually underlie the group’s behavior and can be inferred from observing its behaviors. A groups actual behavior is ethical when it is congruent with the espoused ethics of the group. Evaluating a group’s ethical behavior requires asking the group to articulate a set of ethical principles it believes should govern its actions and then having the group review its actions, decisions, and solutions to determine how well those behaviors align with the original set of ethical principles. “ (pg. 257 Harris, T and Sherblom, J ) Basicly, what I digest from this, is that when we write a ‘constitution’ or rulebook for the small group, we need to check back and make sure we are following those rules, and that we are not becoming lazy, biased or in worst case situations close minded to other cultures within the group. I am very interested to see how the members of the small group I observe behave in regards to ethical choices.

guidelines for providing observer feedback

There are four guidelines for providing observer feedback

The first is to read a great deal about groups and teams. The text makes a great point that giving surface level compliments like “good job” or criticism like “you needed more preparation” really do little for the team. The second is to participate in small groups. When we participate in groups we may overlook our own flaws and our leadership may not surface. The third approach is to get external evaluation and advice. The last guideline is to use our own reflection and analysis. “Sound, well targeted feedback can help the process of failure and provide guidelines that focus on improvement efforts in terms of specific, behavioral activities.” It is apparent that when giving feedback it needs to be deeper than a suggestion, and the Likert scale is a popular tool. There are seven choices in rating performance on the Likert scale.